does mommy guilt every go away? i mean really. even when your rational brain says there's nothing to feel guilty for (and your husband, family and friends all tell you the same thing), why is it that as a mom you somehow feel you should have been able to see into the future, to predict the outcome and somehow then go back and prevent that outcome from occuring? are we wired this way? are we taught this through generations of other mothers? are we all just gluttons for punishment? why do we beat ourselves up for things that are beyond our control and when you get right down to it not our fault? yet, despite these facts we feel we should have controlled the situation and therefore things are indeed our fault.
why we as women (and i say women here because i do not think i am the only one) do we so often struggle with our images of ourselves? most of us have husbands who tell us daily that they love us. we have friends and family that enjoy being with us and seek out our time, our advice, our sheer presence in their lives. yet, despite this we still secretly wonder if those things are really true. we wonder if we really do enough? if we've really measured up? and that's just it....measured up to what? to whose standards do we hold ourselves? is it really society's or our friend's or our family's or is it really our own ridiculously high standards? standards that we somehow set for ourselves that are so high they are barely visible, let alone obtainable.
why there are still times when i feel that being a stay-at-home mom is not enough? when people ask me what i want to do with my life i always reply that i am doing it. i am raising my children. i am home for them. yet, invariably comes the follow-up question of "yes, but what do you want to do with your life?" why does this question make me both defensive (i just told you!) and at the same time wonder if my "ideal job" is not really ideal enough? isn't raising my children the most important job on the planet? teaching them about the world around them, about God, about relationships, about values, about how they are important people who should be valued, loved, respected and cherished at any age, i could go on forever here, isn't that vital to who they will become? i can logically tell you that raising children is hands down the most important "job" so why do i still feel that this is not a high enough goal for my life when i'm questioned about it?
why if i can rationalize myself through so many of this things do i still wonder about them?
do other people wonder these things too?