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Saturday, February 20, 2010

waiting and wondering

so here i sit at the hopsital...again. waiting for my 3 hour glucose test to be over. waiting to get back to my babies. waiting to start my day. waiting for them to tell me that yet again i have passed this test but need to limit my sugars. waiting to get some rest as i got up this morning before 6 so i could be here, get done and get home to my little ones. waiting for the little life that wiggles inside me to enter the world and be snuggled in my arms. waiting to be a family of six. waiting on my heavenly Father to show me the next step toward the dreams He has planted deep in my heart.

yet here are the things i wonder ... will we remain a family of six? will our number continue to grow? will my future children be born only from my heart and not my womb? at what point is waiting just an excuse for inactivity? does it really matter if timing seems off or inconvient if it means reaching out to another person, especially a child who needs love? what else i can do continue to foster my children's love of God? to further spark their imaginations? to help them learn and treasure lessons that most adults have trouble with (like honor, respect and unconditional love)? what lesson is in today? in this moment? why wait?

and then i think ... there are so many things to do, things to worry about, things to question, things to pull attention from where it should be. yet, really there isn't. we are told always that the to-do list never ends, that we are a ridulously busy society, that there are so many pressures on our families and especially on our children. though this is true to varying degress what i know is that this is all noise. that it is all just a ploy to get attention off a loving Father; away from children who delight in the attention, not the activity; blessings that are there in abundance. that the pace of life can go as slow as we want it. that we have permission to live our lives at any pace we choose. that the little things are the important things. that though the to-do list may never end, the calendar can look crazy, life has stress and american culture seems to be a bit out of control sometimes - life is what we make it. love is what i choose. each moment is a gift and an opportunity to move our lives and the lives of those we touch in a positive direction. toward a path that shows love because when it comes down to it love is what we all need and it's really what we all have to give because a loving Father gave it to us first.

1 comment:

gianna said...

natalie, I posted once all about how in the "nothingness" of waiting, God is working even if we don't see it. I'm totally with you there my friend. You are a wonderful Godly woman, wife, and mother. tomorrow I am posting about our directing vision daily exeperience and I mention you. So take a look if and when you have time. I love you!