my house is quiet. it's not even 9 here and everyone is asleep. the dishwasher is quietly humming (oh how i have a love/hate relationship with that machine) and the clutter is mostly back where it belongs (only a few things left to grab before bedtime). it's a peaceful quiet that doesn't happen often. i love our noise, our activity, our craziness. but the peace is nice too.
i'll be honest ... it's a little easier to think in the quiet. and i find my mind moving in lots of directions tonight. just flitting from one place to the next. gently landing in one spot for a brief second and then off again to another one.
mostly though i am waiting. i am completely enjoying my life. i spend every day in the moment with my kids. but in the quiet, i know something is coming. i know my answer is yes. i just don't know exactly what the question is yet. it begins with my Father softly whispering "will you...." into my heart and my heart is aching to say yes. but first He must finish His question. i don't know what the question is. i know the topic. i know the subject. i don't know the specifics. it's hard. the waiting.
then i wonder. do i have to know the whole question? can i know only part of it and begin to move? i know this is really how it works but i just feel like i have so little to move with. please don't misunderstand. i know i will not get a detailed instruction plan that will take me through the next 5 years. or the next year. or even the next month or week. i guess i just feel like i need a little more direction before i began the journey. but maybe i don't. maybe i know enough ... maybe.
no matter how much i know in my head, i know in my heart i will follow Him wherever this journey takes me. because i know He has only good things for me. i know He has plans for me. i know that i know that i know that He loves me. little me, with this little life, and all my "stuff" and He, wonderful, amazing, creative, powerful Him, loves me. how can i not follow? how can i not say yes?
what do you say? do you know how much He loves YOU? yep, you. just as you are. He's proud of you. did you know that? it makes Him smile to see you. He thinks you are amazing. how do i know? because that's who He is. because when i think about the way He loves us it fills my heart so much my eyes leak. and did you know that nothing; nothing you can do can seperate you from His love? His love is that strong.
so i'm saying yes. and i think i might be taking a step. and we'll see where that step leads. because you know, that step will lead to the next one and the next one. and maybe the one after that will actually require a turn instead of following the path i thought i was on. but if i hadn't taken the first step i wouldn't have gotten to the turn. so in the end, even if it ends up looking totally different then i thought it would in the beginning, i will end up right where He wants me. and that's the best place to be.