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Monday, January 10, 2011

my knight

welcome to a completely vulnerable and honest post.  so what a wild day.  a wonderful morning with my little ones.  laughing. playing. puzzles. crafts. off with my entire family to meet my brother and mother for lunch.  my baby brother is moving to colorado tomorrow. so excited for him. to watch him continue on his amazing journey.  watch him run after the things he wants and after the Lord. but soooo going to miss him!

time to leave. babies all packed. check to leave. check again.  back out. SMASH!  out of nowhere is a delivery van.  have no idea what happened or where he came from.  i mean this van is huge.  how could i have missed him?  my brother jumps right on it.  we get it taken care of.  i head home. i am stressed. i get the little boys to bed.  asher goes and wakes ethan up.  i break and yell at mia and asher ... and then promptly burst into tears apologizing.  i hold asher and cry.  my sweet boy tells me he loves me and will protect my heart.  my sweet mia joins our hug and tells me that she's so glad i'm her mom.  that she loves me so much it makes her cry.  oh how my heart needs to hear this.

but above all this is pete.  when he first hears the news (he had to leave lunch early for a work appointment) he is immediately my cheerleader.  there is nothing negative or even concerned about his response - well i mean once he knew we were all right.  he tells me he loves me.  he tells me i'm amazing.  he tells me he's lucky to have me as his wife.  and i immediately start to cry.  no one was hurt.  the damage was minimal but my knight has arrived and i'm undone.  i feel terrible. guilty. sad. bad. he immediately jumps in.  he knows me and knows my defense has always been to be hard on myself to protect myself from what someone else might say.  (just being honest) thankfully that defense is deflating but it leaves me in this weird space where i no longer beat myself up but also am not sure it's okay to be okay when something less then ideal happens.  he's amazing and reassuring and comes home and holds me.  he tells me wonderful things all over again and resets my feet on a firm foundation reminding me that my God is waaaaaay bigger then a little bump in the car.  he is amazing.  he is wonderful.  i am lucky to have him as my partner and my husband.

2 comments:

The Maines Family Blog said...

Blessed!
Glad you are all ok!!!

love said...

oh, sad! i know the guilty sad bad terrible feeling. so glad pete is so perfectly made for you and that yes, God is so much bigger!

[i just caught up here again...didn't know you were back! welcome! =) ]