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Friday, February 4, 2011

thursday thoughts

well, thursday thoughts ... on a friday anyway. =)

so i still don't exactly feel well.  just that achy, head in a fog, stuffy nose, yep-it's-winter kind of thing.  if there's snow where you are you know what i mean.  ick.  thankfully pete has been able to be around most of the day to help.  i am so blessed.  hooray for fabulous husbands.

been thinking lots of random things.  wondering if eli's lip is healing okay. they told us to watch it for white spots.  well, he has some but the lip still looks closed and healing.  just praying God heals it quick because eli is not going to sit still long enough for it to heal slowly ... even with a cold.

my grandparents are downsizing and it's time to go through their things.  it's bringing up lots of weird stuff.  not really sure what all i feel about it as of now.  there are four boys, their wives, 12 grandchildren and 14 great-grandkids at this point.  all 16 families (the boys and the grandkids) got a copy of a dvd my grandparents made about a year or so ago.  they basically took the camera around their cottage and filmed everything they had in it.  a little odd perhaps but really a great idea since we are all scattered across the country - literally.  i have to say it is something i am glad i have.  not because it's full of their stuff but because it is full of them.  my grandpa dictates the whole thing and most things have a story to go with them.  he's a great story teller and he focuses on the things that are important to him.  not necessarily the monetary things (they usually get a quick "that's an antique whatever").  then you have grandma's voice in the background correcting him and he always responds "well, my beautiful bride just corrected me. it's really ...."  it's just so ... them.

now the point of the whole thing is to take the spreadsheet my uncle made and mark what you are interested in.  he has itemized the things on the video and marked the things my grandparents are taking with them.  then all four boys are meeting at my grandparents to sort through the rest.  i love that they are all going to be there together. i  love that they are so organized.  it does seem a little odd to be dividing things up though. i understand it's part of life but it's still not really my favorite thing to do.  i have just been praying that all this work in the forefront will help things go smoothly.  that no feelings get hurt.  that people always remember that it's just stuff.  i know there are a few things my brothers really want.  things that just personify my grandparents to them.  i totally get that.  i'm not really sure what mine is yet.  am i just not that sentimental?  do i just not care about the stuff?  am i too practical in terms of "where am i going to stick that in my house?"  is it just because they have given things to me over the years and those things mean more to me because they picked it out for me?

i have marked things i'm interested in but still feel a little weird about it.  so many families i know have had falling outs over this.  i don't want that to happen.  if it's going to mean you're crushed because you didn't get the thing i was going to take  - then take it.  the relationship is so much more important.  i get that things are valuable but isn't it the relationship that really matters?  i mean that's really the only truly valuable thing right?  our love for each other?  the fact that from these two people there are now like 46 of us (including spouses).  that from their love for each other we all are here?  so how do you put a value on that?  how do you personify that into a thing?  i don't know.  i really don't.

separate thoughts involve answers to prayers. God bringing up things that have not come up since we were first married but have never really gone away either.  reminding us of those dreams. those thoughts.  not sure where we are going.  what it will look like.  how it all plays in together but excited and very curious to see how He will work it all out.  why do i forget to check with Him sometimes?  try to do it all on my own and forget that He's standing right beside me just waiting for me to take His hand so He can lead me?  oh how i still have so much to learn.  so much to stop trying to drag through the cross.  it's all done.  those silly habits.  He paid for them all.  so why am i still trying to pack them in a bag and bring them with me?  He made me new - so the old stuff in the bag is done .... unless i choose to pick it up and try to drag it with me.  ugg, just put the bag down you silly girl and let Him lead you.  it's so much easier.  His way is so much better - no matter how cute a bag i pack, the junk in it is still junk.  so here's to putting the bag down.  traveling light.  traveling with Him.  letting His heart shine through me and everyday choosing to be His hands and feet.  choosing His light over past darkness.  cuz it is a choice isn't it?  He loves us enough to give us the choice.  everyday, every minute.  to choose Him.  He is infinitely patient with us.  always there with love. ready for us.  He does not promise to save us from the consequences of our choices but He does promise us to love us each step of the way.  no matter what the choice.  aren't we lucky? isn't that grace? wondering where He is leading us. =)

what are your thoughts today?

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